Happy Birthday to my ego

As a very young girl I used to hear the phrase 'Its your day' in my birthday alot, and I interpreted it literally. I used to think that in your birthday you get to do or say anything you want and break any rule you want.

I remember some of the things I did under this assumption. I left home one early morning with an apple and a bottle of water wrapped in a small blanket and tied to a long wooden stick just like in cartoons. I wanted to discover a part of the valley in the neighborhood. I didn't even tell my mom where I was going because it was 'my' day.

In another birthday, I slept under the mirrors of the solar system we have on the roof. I just wondered how it would feel to lay there. I took my blanket up to the roof and put it there and lied down for a couple of hours. A third one I remember is when I shouted at a girl I hated at school infront of everyone. I told her how much I didn't like her and thought she was not Nice. I thought it was my right to do so, after all it was my birthday.

As I grew up to teen-age I stopped that ofcourse. But this time I got back the feeling and I decided I will try to relive that feeling again. To think that I can break any rule in my birthday to feel the freedom of it.

Unfortunately, this time was different. I could not do it. This time rules were not put for me to follow as when I was a little girl. This time I was the one stopping me from doing what I want. As an adult you discover that you put the rules. What time and people have imposed on me throughout the years is reflected in all the rules I put for myself.

This time to my ache, it was not my parents stopping me. It is me. It is my ego.